So five vans later - I finally figured it out! Buying into #vanlife, doesn’t buy you freedom!
In 2016, when I first head Bob Wells talking about vanlife and the freedom it brings, I was beyond excited. Having been raised in a bricks and sticks life, I’d never imagined that vanlife existed. But, one kick ass video and I was in!
Of course, the search for freedom wasn’t new to me. As a kid, I never fit in. In high school, I was sent to a Chaotic girls school and literally cried each time we were forced to sing: Corner of the Sky by Betty Buckley in chapel. That song resinated so deeply with me that the lines: "Eagles have to be where they can fly. I’ve got to be where my spirit can run free"., remain etched in my mind and heart today.
Wow - little side note here, I just looked up that song to see who actually wrote it and I’m astounded that we were ever allowed to sing that in chapel! (I’m also deeply questioning the person mental state and personal convictions of the nun who insisted we do so.) And yes… I still cry when I read it in it’s entirety 42 years later!
Check out these lines…. Seriously, this could be every #vanlifer’s personal motto! (Chopped up quoting to emphasize my point - please check out the whole song if you’re interested.)
And don't you see I want my life to be
Something more than long...
So many men seem destined
To settle for something small
But I won't rest until I know I'll have it all.
… So don't ask where I'm going
Just listen when I'm gone
And far away you'll hear me singing
Softly to the dawn
… Rivers belong where they can ramble
Eagles belong where they can fly
I've got to be where my spirit can run free
Got to find my corner of the sky.
Anyway, sorry - I digress. My point was - I’ve been searching for freedom for a very long time. And after watching Bob’s videos, I was pretty sure I’d found it. So I sold my 4 bedroom house, closed my yoga studio, got rid of most of my stuff, and set out in a Ram Promaster 136 WB camper van. Needless to say, it didn’t last.
Over the last six years, I’ve been in and out of five different vans ( a Ford Transit Connect, a RAM Promaster 136WB build by Bridge Bound Campers in WVA, a Chrysler Pacifica, a Mercedes Revel 44e, and a Winnebago Pocket 36a), I’ve also been in and out of 8 different condos, townhouses and single family homes. And after all of that - I can finally say that true freedom - in and of itself - is not found in a van, or vanlife, or even anything related to #vanlife.
Instead, #vanlife is simply a life style choice. Some people live in sticks and bricks and some chose to try vanlife. But there are huge constraints and limitations to both choices.
So what does buying into #vanlife get you? A lifestyle. A means of transportation. A mode of travel. The ability to sleep, eat, etc in your vehicle. The joy of always being packed and ready to go on a moment’s notice. Vanlife protects you from creepy hotel rooms, nasty bathrooms, and bad restaurants. It offers the comfort of having whatever you might need with you at all times.
Vanlife also provides as escape from some traditional aspects of life, such as cutting the grass or paying a mortgage. It offers the ability to simply dive away from bad weather or noisy neighbors. And of course, #vanlife allows you to travel. This country is amazingly beautiful and vanlife is a great way to enjoy it.
However, #vanlife isn’t a magic bullet, or a guaranteed path to freedom. It’s simply a different set of issues, concerns and responsibilities. Depending on your situation, of course, many of us trade our mortgages, or rent payments, for van payments. We trade home repair for rig repair, we trade our electric bills for campground hookups. Rather than cutting the grass or shoveling snow, we diligently empty our gray tanks and search for fresh water. Groceries and cleaning don’t go away. The need for at least some money coming in, doesn’t suddenly vanish.
And worse, many things that happen mindlessly in sticks and bricks can suddenly take all day to accomplish. Laundry, for example. Cooking dinner, showering, finding wifi… even some of the tiniest tasks - like washing the dishes or putting them away can become pretty damn labor intensive.
In addition, I can honestly say that while living in sticks and bricks, I’d never once considered where I would park or sleep each night. I never thought twice about turning up the heat, taking a shower, or needing to relocate based on the wind or weather.
Now don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that #vanlife isn’t worth doing, I’m simply saying that it isn’t going to magically catapult you to existential freedom. That said, I think it’s important to clarify here that for many vanlife is the freedom they’re seeking. For example, if you’re living in an abusive situation - 100% living in your vehicle is a means of freedom from that abuse! If your house is unsafe, too expensive, your job too stressful, or you’re buried in a lifestyle you can’t escape in any other way - 100% vanlife maybe be your “ticket to freedom” from that situation. And I believe that’s precisely what Bob Wells was talking about.
That is not, however, what I’m talking about. My quest for freedom is far more esoteric. My house was lovely, my bills were paid, I was already living well below my means. My anguish, (though no less pressing or painful), was deeply rooted in a mental heath or spiritual crises. The idea that there had to be more than this. The idea that my father and all of his teachings were “wrong.” The idea that if success, money, and power can’t make you happy… than what does?
Like the song that so moved me in high school, I was searching for more. I needed my life to be “Something more than long.” And it is from that perspective that I can now say, buying into #Vanlife in and of itself, won’t buy you freedom.
So what does? Stay tuned for my next post. Or check out my latest video on Youtube :)
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